Marriage 101

  

We threw together a salad for dinner with a couple of leftovers for sides. One of them was french fries that my husband had the night before from his dinner out. Throw them in the air fryer and they are good as new.

"Do you mind sharing those?" I asked him.

"I don't have to," was his response.

Whaaaat? I thought. He always shares everything!

So I tried it again. Same answer.

One thing I've learned from being married almost 44 years is that communication is key and, at times, can be a little complicated, so clarification is always best.

Sure enough, he was telling me that HE didn't have to have any of the french fries, i.e., "share them" with me, because he had the other side of mashed potatoes. 

Now that sounded more like him, and I'm glad I clarified because the french fries were very good indeed.

For those of you who are engaged or newly married, I hope you will remember this story, because there will be times that you must remember to ask for clarification, rather than stewing quietly about some presumed slight. 

I could have kept quiet and silently let my anger boil over, wondering why he was being selfish or doubting that I should have asked in the first place.

But why do that when all I needed to do was communicate effectively? He thought he was being clear, and technically he was, but sometimes the way men and women communicate needs a little help.

In the early years of our marriage I learned not to try to "read his face." I would think at times that he was thinking one thing by looking at his expression, but in reality he wasn't thinking what I thought he was thinking, at all. I learned quickly to tell him what I thought he was thinking, rather than presume I knew.

I was almost always wrong about what I thought he was thinking and my presumption was way off.

Just learn to communicate well with each other if you are engaged or about to be married. And if you've been married a long time and feel that you cannot communicate anymore, work hard to make sure you hear what the other person is saying and that you are being heard accurately.

At the base of all of this--and hopefully you didn't miss it--is don't presume negative things about your loved one. I know, for instance, that my husband is never selfish, so why would I presume he would be this time?

Your goal in marriage is to help each other get to heaven. You're not working towards that if you are judging your spouse, presuming negative things about them, arguing about trivial things or simply not appreciating the goodness in them.

I guess that's your marriage lesson for today. Hope it helps.

Pray for peace and an end to war.

Janet Cassidy
Email me at:  jmctm2@gmail.com

janetcassidy.com
https://www.facebook.com/reflectionsinfaith/
https://www.youtube.com/@janetcassidy 

 

 

 

 

 

True Compassion

 

I've been pretty sick all week with the terrible stomach bug that's been going around. I was tenderly watched over by my husband, who would blessedly, softly touch my warm forehead to measure my temperature, pray the rosary for me, bring me whatever I needed and just compassionately stand beside me, caring for me.

How do we experience God's compassion? We know and believe it is real, but how do we feel his tender touch, his loving gaze?

I'm still working on that, but the closest I can come to an answer is his presence. His presence in the gift of the Sacrament of Reconciliation in particular stands out for me. It is where he pours out his grace and mercy on us (which he does in all the sacraments.)

But I think sometimes we don't appreciate what it means to be forgiven in Confession. I think sometimes we just don't comprehend what a merciful act it is for us to have all of our sins washed away, freeing us from their burden, moving us toward eternal life.

God's love is tangible and present to us if we turn our gaze toward him. I was thinking about the Parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15) and how I have missed the humility it took for the younger son to return to the father.

We know he returned home to the father because he was hungry and so forth, but have we ever considered the genuine humility he showed in doing so?

Maybe you, too, are desperate in some way and need to come home this Lent. Don't let your pride stop you, but through true humility turn back to the Father. There is no chance that he will not welcome you.

Come, experience his love and compassion. It will do wonders to heal you from whatever sickness you are experiencing in life.

Pray for peace and an end to war. 

Janet Cassidy
Email me at:  jmctm2@gmail.com

janetcassidy.com
https://www.facebook.com/reflectionsinfaith/
https://www.youtube.com/@janetcassidy 

 

 

 

A Crime against God and Man

 

I know what Jesus taught is not popular. It might be written off as a nice way to live when it's convenient and doesn't cause us any personal sacrifice.

But, we are either with him, or we are against him. We either believe in what he taught us and live by it, or we don't. 

Our Secretary of Defense (now appropriately known as the Secretary of War) gloats that we are "winning" this war with Iran.  He of all people should know that absolutely nobody wins in war.

The White House should know better than to compare war to a game-- which they have--interspersing real footage with fake footage from the video game "Call of Duty."

Yet, the Speaker of the House is adamant that this is not a war:

“We’re not at war right now, we’re four days into a very specific, clear mission and operation.” 

Oh, okay, if you say so. 

But did you know that the "boss" refers to it as a war? 

There was no plan as to how to evacuate Americans traveling or living in the countries under fire. No plan. Let that sink in. They are just now figuring out this little glitch.

This is not a proud moment for America. The chaos and lack of communication, and the destruction and death that we are witnessing today is embarrassing, and, well, irresponsible.

The truth is . . . 

"Every act of war directed to the indiscriminate destruction of whole cities or vast areas with their inhabitants is a crime against God and man, which merits firm and unequivocal condemnation." (Catechism of the Catholic Church 2314)

I was reading today that we are waiting (it could be years) on the International Court of Justice to decide whether the Israeli/Gaza conflict was actually a genocide, which the International Association of Genocide Scholars (IAGS) says it was. 

Let's hope we aren't led into a mess like that in Iran, when you consider who our partner is in all of this.

Pray for peace and an end to war. 

Janet Cassidy
Email me at:  jmctm2@gmail.com

janetcassidy.com
https://www.facebook.com/reflectionsinfaith/
https://www.youtube.com/@janetcassidy