What’s the Message?

For a number of years I worked in our downtown area.  I used to see people on the street going through trash containers, talking to themselves and making dramatic arm gestures.  

As my adult son and I were driving near downtown one day, there was a man talking to himself and gesturing wildly as he crossed the street.  Because sometimes our son has to wait for his ride in places that may be less-than-ideal, and because he talks to everybody, I talked to him about using caution if he were to encounter someone like this man, using that man as an example.

Naturally, it feels pretty ugly to use this man as an example, but as a mother of someone with cognitive limitations, sometimes I have to be more direct than I am comfortable being.

I am very well attuned to how people “use” other people to either set themselves apart or to feel good about their own lives.  Unfortunately, I know all too well the stares and the impatience of others.  Forever it seems, I have cringed when people refer to people with disabilities as “they” as if you are of a different species if you have a disability.  The lumping together under the banner of “them”, feels as if their individuality does not exist.

I truly felt bad about singling out the man on the street, but I really wanted to teach our son to use caution—for his own safety.

My mind raced in the silence of our car, with the multitude of contradictions I felt.  Every, single person has dignity and worth.  Made in the image and likeness of God, and they should not be “used” as an example. 

I got myself into a bit of a tangle as I tried to sort out in my head exactly what I was trying to tell our son that day. What was my message, and would it land?  I felt ashamed. It felt an awful lot like, “Stay away from people like that.”  Like I said, pretty ugly.

It is amazing how easy it is to make assumptions about people based on how they look and act.  In fact, we have been on the receiving end of that too many times.

Although I did what I felt I needed to do for our son that day, I tried to do it carefully and with sensitivity.  Does that justify it? I’m not sure.

We talk a lot today about racial prejudices, but I think we could use more discussion on how we respond to people with disabilities, or people with mental illness. 

I have written this before, but it bears repeating.  When school students are invited to visit people with disabilities in specialized schools, it is my hope that they never walk away from the experience thinking, “I am so grateful for my life—at least I don’t have their problems.”

It is up to wise educators to make sure that is not the take-away message.   

People with disabilities do not exist to make us feel better about our lives.  They are not “less than” simply because they think or act in ways that may not always be socially acceptable or their capacity for learning may in some way be diminished or challenged.

When you think about it, who among us doesn’t have a disability of sorts?  

For most of us, it may not be as obvious, but it certainly doesn’t make it any less real.

Who are we to judge?

Janet Cassidy

Janetcassidy.com