I was reading an article about the actress Susan Sullivan having lung cancer (even though she was not a smoker.) I have appreciated her acting talent over the years (too many roles to mention here.)
The
article mentioned that Sullivan is 81, and her partner of 35 years, is
85. That "partner" mention caught my attention. She's been with him a
long time.
I
have no idea why they never married each other, but like me, I'm sure
you have heard people say over the years "I don't need a piece of paper
to know he/she loves me," etc., etc.
Goldie
Hawn has said, about her partnership with Kurt Russell, "I like the
idea that I can wake up in the morning and make decisions every day if I
want to be here," she said. "Ultimately, staying independent with
independent thinking is important. So you can hold on to yourself and
you're going to actually have that feeling." (usatoday.com)
Hogwash.
That's right, I said it. Hogwash.
Why
are some people who are living together, unmarried, so set on reducing
marriage to "a piece of paper?" You might say that it is the paper that
makes them stay together, but it has to be more than a piece of paper.
Getting
back to Goldie. Would you want to be with someone who has to think
about whether they want to stay with you every day? Saying "I do"
should take that daily question off the table.
Is
it assumed that you lose your independence once you marry? She's got
that wrong too. Yes, you enjoy a healthy interdependence, but "losing
yourself" or your independence has no place in a healthy marriage.
Healthy marriages last because of the covenant they make with each other in God. .
Healthy
marriages have room for individuals to grow independently, and
alongside each other, with each encouraging the other, supporting and
lifting up the other.
Their vow keeps them together (among so many other things.)
And, they live out the faith they profess, together.
Future
spouses need to be honest with each other. They need to see the other
person for who they are. They need to know they are not going to fix
someone and those faults are not going to magically disappear.
They really need to listen to their family and friends' warnings or affirmations.
The
picture I am offering is a full, complete, joy-filled marriage that is
all it is meant to be. It is a marriage in which spouses help each
other grow in holiness and get to heaven.
That
doesn't mean marriage can't exist if every piece is not in place, but
these things make a marriage strong and lasting. They really do.
It
isn't that some people just get lucky and marry the right person. God
brings people together and this allows for them to be a valuable
witness. Start by asking God if this is the person he wants you to
marry. Too many times, people skip this step.
Let's
pray for those who do not have this. Let's pray for those whose spouse
has let them down and failed to live up to what they promised, and
let's also pray that we never lose sight of what a beautiful gift the
sacrament of marriage is.
Now, just for fun, I'm including this VIDEO
about the questions to ask before you marry someone. He might be a
little utilitarian in his approach, but hopefully you'll enjoy it
anyway.
Janet Cassidy
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